When you’re wrestling an 85-pound bulldog into her first ever shower experience (don’t ask how the tub option went), worrying about what your toddler can destroy unattended suddenly ceases to be important. You could basically say I have my priorities straight. Little did I know this lively experience would leave both bulldog and mama so fresh and so clean, clean.

Annie pre-bath, not so fresh, nor so clean.

Pre-bath Annie; the Annie who loves me.

My life did briefly flash before my eyes. Well, at least it was long enough to determine my obituary headline would have said something about a valiant attempt to physically convert a mammoth-sized dog to a life of cleanliness, my ninja fighting skills, and then after a brave, brutal struggle against the forces of dirt and slobber, my untimely demise…and then probably some mention of my nunchuck skills, concluding with what a stupid woman!).

Clean Annie

Post-bath Annie; the one who chose not to eat me alive.

Baby Ninja briefly attempted to ‘help’ by opening the shower door while I was calming down the shaking canine who could eat my face off in one bite. Uh yes, I was in the shower with the dog. There were no other viable options at this point. So I pretended to be calm while holding Annie back from a chance at escape from what now felt like a claustrophobic, 40-square-feet prison cell. Because Annie pretty much took up the entire surface area of my shower. Then I rationally explained (doesn’t everyone do that with a two-year-old?) that opening the shower door wasn’t a good choice right now. So Ninja promptly went back to dumping shampoo bottles out on the floor and repeatedly flushing the toilet. Mission accomplished!

I think I tweaked my neck and pulled a hammy, but the good news is that we are both amazingly clean (why do I still smell ‘dog’?).

ninja mama post-bath, slightly cleaner.

Post-bath Ninja Mama; soaked, stinky and grateful to be alive.

And now, my inner 90’s teenager can’t get ‘So Fresh and So Clean’ out of my brain. Yes, you crazy youngsters…I really am that old. As if the crow’s feet, under-eye circles and prescription glasses weren’t convincing enough.









Written by Ninja MaMa


Linda Masters

that is toooooo funny!!! So glad the dog has had breakfast and didn’t try to EAT YOU to exhibit her dismay about “getting fresh and clean!”

Ninja MaMa

You and me BOTH! I definitely considered the possibilities and what trauma that could entail for Baby Ninja. But I soldiered on. I think it was the coffee…and/or sleep deprivation that willed me to do it. HA


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