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Why Mama Can’t Have Nice Things…

Revelation of the day: I better just stick to sustaining human life around here…because my plant game is not so strong (thanks to the littlest ninja who plucked off ALL.THE.LEAVES in her spare time). ? #ninjamamadiaries #ninjaplease #momlife #imomsohard #sadsucculent#thisiswhywecanthavenicethings #wineme

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So Fresh and So Clean

Oh, you don’t have to wash your windows because they just stay clean by themselves? Yeah, me too…. #ninjamamadiaries #ninjasplease #momlife #imomsohard#sofreshandsoclean


A Toy to Zap my Joy

On the surface, it was a nice gesture…a stranger gifting the toy to my young son. I’ll admit- I got a bit nostalgic. When I saw her bring it out of the back bedroom, I was immediately transported back to 1983. I was a preschooler who loved spending time at my grandparents’ house. There, I… Read more »

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Take a Load Off…

I took a load off (sat on the couch for more than five minutes for the first time in five years)…and someone else rewarded me by taking a load off, too. ? #ninjaplease #ninjamamadiaries #ninjanainteasy #imomsohard#takealoadoff #momlife #parentingfail #iwillneverrestagain#activateOCDcleaningmode  

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I heard it through the grapevine..

That glorious moment when you pick up what look to be raisins from the floor…because little ninja JUST asked you for a handful. But in fact, you quickly discover those aren’t raisins, kids. They are tiny pieces of POO….That. Just. Happened. ? ‪#‎isitbedtimeyet‬ ‪#‎wineme‬ ‪#‎ninjamamadiaries‬ ‪#‎ninjasplease‬ ‪#‎momlife‬‪#‎imomsohard‬

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Eau de Poo…

You latch everybody into their carseats, but you can’t shake the smell of poop. You meticulously scrutinize the bottoms of everyone’s shoes. Clean. It couldn’t be anyone’s pants because everyone just used the bathroom before you left the house. ? You chalk it up to the stool samples you’re hauling around in your purse. (Yeah,… Read more »

The Fighting Cock

The Ruthless Rooster

The rooster and I…we’ve had some intense moments together since he joined our farm.
Most recently, the intensity grew to such levels that I may have wielded a pick axe and threw it at him…briefly hoping to somehow victoriously decapitate his cocky spirit. AND his physical body. But really, I promise…I’m not a violent person.

Hair gel

Hair Gel and High Heels

For what feels like the 99th time this week, I’ve caught her raiding the hair gel pot. And today. Well, the results were simply too magnificent not to share. Her masterpiece is like a cross between ‘Something About Mary’ and ‘Ace Ventura’.

Parenting is ‘Logs’ of fun…

  My heart seriously stopped when I glanced in the den. Were those turds all over my floor? Let me explain why I immediately jumped to this conclusion. Lately, baby ninja has made it a habit of removing her pants AT LEAST five times per day..what the?!! I crept closer and closer, preparing myself for the stench…and then it… Read more »

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‘So fresh and so clean!’

When you’re wrestling an 85-pound bulldog into her first ever shower experience (don’t ask how the tub option went), worrying about what your toddler can destroy unattended suddenly ceases to be important. Little did I know, we would both ending up being so fresh and so clean, clean by the end.

  • The Ninja Mama Rules of Bed-Making

    Go FAST. Make him into the bed if you must. He’ll eventually wiggle loose and find his way out, probably giggling a lot in the process. Or shrieking in terror. It could go either way. Go FAST. Pillow smacking and/or pillow clotheslining is acceptable practice when your toddler thinks it’s a game and it improves… Read more »

  • Battle of the Boogers

    We’ve been having a small battle of the boogers around this place lately. Meaning ninja boy constantly has his finger inserted in one or both nostrils at any given time. I’ve tried to encourage him to use a Kleenex when the mood strikes, and especially when he retrieves golden treasure…and all this before he gobbles the… Read more »

  • Booger Ninja

    Who needs an aspirator when you have ninja fingers?! I literally pulled out a 5 inch long boog from baby girl’s nose today. Impressive you say. Nope, that’s just the reason why I grow coke nails. For important stuff like this.

  • Candy Ninja

    I don’t always hide my candy eating from the toddler, but when I do, i make sure it’s my favorite and in large quantities! Oh just admit it- you’ve done it, too. A LOT. And you’re good at it. Way to hone your ninja skills, ladies. You make me proud!

  • The Ninja Mama Rules of Doctoring

    So your toddler doesn’t want to take his medicine? Use reverse psychology. You ‘drink’ it first, and energetically exclaim how delish it is, and how you hope said toddler doesn’t want his because that just leaves more for you! Toddler will PROMPTLY guzzle that nasty stuff down. Every. Single. Time. Mission accomplished.

  • A Visit From the Nap-Time Fairy!

    Are They Still Breathing? It’s 3:15 p.m. I have had nothing but silence to keep me company for TWO WHOLE HOURS. Baby Ninja finally fell asleep at 1:15 p.m. Ninja Boy put himself to sleep (my genius husband’s best idea yet!) around 1 p.m. And I have had nothing but time. Laundry is folded. Dinner underway. I… Read more »

  • Leggings and Plumber Crack

    I sure did crave my morning runs, especially after negotiating a temporary move, recent job resignation and two ninjas to wrangle all day. They also appeared to make my saggy what-is-a-squat? mama booty a bit perkier. Plus, NOTHING could beat the endorphin rush after a few miles of nothing but feet to pavement and a… Read more »

  • My Biggest Fear

    It started out as a great day. A meetup with my sweet friend and her Mom, a play date for the boys and an opportunity for them to meet baby ninja. I even made hot cocoa and cookies,  people. Because I was still on maternity leave and had my stuff together…mistake #1. It was a… Read more »

  • Q-Tip Art

    It was teething- round ‘I lost track’ because the boy was always teething. And that usually came with a whole host of lovely things, to include wicked diaper rash. His butt was so red and I hurt for him with each wave of a wipe. He had just pulled #1 AND #2 duties and I… Read more »

  • Things I Never Knew

    An ever-growing list of things no one ever told me (about being a Mama): 1) disposable nursing pads aren’t meant to be washed OR dried 2) you can’t always beat an incontinent dog to the door 3) getting pooped on will cease to bother you (see #2) 4) pregnancy could be a wonderful experience (it’s… Read more »