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I’m Not That Pinterest-ing…

I have never cared much about the Halloween craziness. Then, ninja boy started preschool. Now, there are parties and gift bags and costumes. Blech. I must admit, I’m not very ‘Pinterest-ing’. Oh yes, I have thousands of pins on multiple boards, but no real plan for making any of them a reality. I just like… Read more »

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Five things

Five things you should know about the eclectic display of junk I just excavated from my purse: 1) my little clan has been sick for SIX weeks…the dinosaurs came from multiple doctor visits, and my ninjas now think cough drops are candy. 2) I rekindled my love for Mike & Ike’s while on a sick-mama-don’t-care… Read more »

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My Nemesis

‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!’ Isn’t that the old adage? LEMONS= it was too quiet in the den. Which is always suspect…I wandered in to find baby ninja shrieking in delight as she ran toward me. Then I saw it: a pile of finely shredded styrofoam balls all over the carpet. My nemesis;… Read more »

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Why I will never wear a skirt. AGAIN.

The idea itself was noble…I think. I’ve got family in town, so why not leave little ninja at home and squeeze in some mother/son bonding time by attending a birthday party together? What could possibly go wrong in a fast- food restaurant play area? I only have one ninja to wrangle, right? WRONG. Kids are a… Read more »

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Oh, the places you’ll go….pee

Apparently, it’s now trendy to pee anywhere BUT in the toilet. Listen up, pre-schoolers. If you really want to confuse your Mama AND displace blame on everyone else, try peeing in these key locations: 1) by the laundry room door where your sweet puppy naps (Her response: “Naughty dog- out you go!”) 2) by the washer (Not once.TWICE) Her response:… Read more »

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My Breaking Point

It’s 3 p.m. and I’m eating rice krispie treats straight out of the bowl. I tell myself that I made them for my ninjas, who both willed themselves NOT to nap today, but that’s a lie. Want the truth? It’s the only decent cheat food I could come up with on short notice. Ice cream takes too dang long to thaw (this is an EMERGENCY!), and there’s no good alcohol in the house. If you must know, I purposely did NOT buy wine last week. Because I knew if I had, I would be drinking it. Right. Now. Straight from the bottle.

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The Ninja Mama Rules of Diapering

What to do when your nine-month-old makes the likes of a snow angel every time you change her diaper? Pin down her little legs gently with your heavy milk jugs aka chest. Sing itsy bitsy spider calmly while gazing into her eyes and simultaneously pulling on the diaper tabs. Block those windmill arms with your… Read more »

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Jehovah, move ova.

Today was going great. Until the Jehovah club showed up at our house. Now don’t get me wrong- I admire their conviction. Greatly. But I just don’t feel like getting into religious discussions with random strangers. Anywho, I was optimistic, because hermits like me think ahead for events such as this. The shades were down,… Read more »

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Toddler IL-logic

Why do I consistently attempt to rationalize with my toddler? You would think I had realized by now that it just doesn’t work. My morning as I washed dishes, went like this: NB: “Watch Curious George?” ME: “Yes, baby, after you finish breakfast.” Small tantrum ensues and now in a whinier version than before: NB:… Read more »

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The Ninja Mama Rules of Bed-Making

Go FAST. Make him into the bed if you must. He’ll eventually wiggle loose and find his way out, probably giggling a lot in the process. Or shrieking in terror. It could go either way. Go FAST. Pillow smacking and/or pillow clotheslining is acceptable practice when your toddler thinks it’s a game and it improves… Read more »