It’s 3 p.m. and I’m eating rice krispie treats straight out of the bowl. I tell myself that I made them for my ninjas, who both willed themselves NOT to nap today, but that’s a lie. Want the truth? It’s the only decent cheat food I could come up with on short notice. Ice cream takes too dang long to thaw (this is an EMERGENCY!), and there’s no good alcohol in the house. If you must know, I purposely did NOT buy wine last week. Because I knew if I had, I would be drinking it. Right. Now. Straight from the bottle.
I have been house bound for five days. The ninjas and I have been sick for the last week, which means my days have consisted of mere survival. Wiping noses, wiping booties, and sometimes sneaking in a shower. But the calvary is coming- the hubs will be home in ONE HOUR! So I showered, and put on makeup and real clothes for the first time since he’s been gone. And the last hour until relief arrives is sweet agony. You see, I’m at my breaking point.
Perhaps you’ll understand why after seeing a tiny glimpse of my week (meaning I’ve omitted a lot of horrid details; you’re welcome):
Day 1: be fun mommy even though you feel like the donkey end of hard times. Set up a tent in the den, and eat s’mores after dinner. Hopefully that makes up for the hours of TV watching the ninjas were subjected to as I lay in bed most of the afternoon.
Day 2: I desperately wanted to attend church, as much for the message as for the adult interaction…but we are ALL sick. The tent is still up, and I’m still trying to be fun. S’mores round two goes down. Is it bedtime yet?
Day 3: There was a day three? Oh yes, the highlights included watching the babies crawl in and out of the dog crate. They may have also locked themselves inside with the dog, too. For a time. And I didn’t complain nor attempt to let them out. I also witnessed ninja boy lap us his freshly-made snot rockets intermittently, then I scooped up three days worth of poop piles created by a 85-pound dog with gastrointestinal ‘challenges’. And if that wasn’t enough, I eventually picked up MY BOY’S POOP in the yard. I can’t make this stuff up….yes, he crapped in the yard. And then the stinkin’ dog ate it. The rest of the afternoon/evening was a blur…no, I didn’t have anything to drink(see first paragraph). But I sure wanted to.
Day 4: I didn’t want to wander outside after yesterday’s debacle, but oh well. Let there be dirt and poop and screaming. Mama don’t care. I brought out the big guns, people. We are blowing bubbles up in this place. Everyone goes crazy for bubbles, right? Until they realize they can’t catch them. Then it just turns into a giant sob-fest. I’ve revoked dog crate playing privileges because that’s just nasty. Especially after the whole ‘circle of life’ incident yesterday. The tent is gone, no more s’mores; everyone go to bed!
Day 5: I started feeling mommy guilt because ninja boy hasn’t been to preschool in one week. Then I realized he will probably never catch up on all the hardcore stuff they’re covering at school (seriously, the number 3 and the letter A is intense…oh and did I mention they’re learning Mandarin this week?). So I embarked on a sloppy journey of instruction today. We covered THREE letters, two numbers, colored some junk and then I forced him to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I felt a bit like some crazed dictator, but hey, it was cute listening him try to enunciate ‘republic’ and ‘allegiance’. I may have bribed him with a special Netflix show afterward.
I was optimistic that I could get some stuff done during nap-time today, but my ninjas wouldn’t have it. You guessed it- showering was MY CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT. So I’ll eat all the Rice Krispie treats I want. Thank you. Very. Much.
The Calvary is coming. I should probably brush my teeth…