On the surface, it was a nice gesture…a stranger gifting the toy to my young son. I’ll admit- I got a bit nostalgic. When I saw her bring it out of the back bedroom, I was immediately transported back to 1983. I was a preschooler who loved spending time at my grandparents’ house. There, I played with the exact same toy, and delighted in its joyful sounds, matched only by my spirited shrieks of delight as I ran through the house ‘vacuuming’ floors.
Fast forward to 2016, and I now realize this is the MOST ANNOYING toy ever made!! Now I know why she was hiding it in the back bedroom. Because it is the devil- a toy meant for zapping mom joy!
Sure, it was cute for a day. Maybe two. Then, the sound became so deafening, it was as if a crazed popcorn machine reproduced with a weed-eater engine. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Up and down my tile floors from the wee hours of morning until the bedtime hour…pretty soon, I could hear its popping taunting me in my fragmented sleep cycles. What kind of fresh Hell was I in?!
So like any good parent, I honed my ninja skills and started plotting its extraction. Which was challenging- the boy basically slept with the darn thing. For weeks I waited for the perfect opportunity…and eventually, his four-year-old brain grabbed onto some other new toy. I retreated from his room with that two-wheeled demon machine, and hastily flung it to the highest-possible shelf in my closet. Being discovered would bring utter devastation and major meltdowns (from ALL of us) at this point. So I threw some clothes on top of it, and there it lay.
For months, I again waited for the right opportunity. And it came one balmy summer morning as the ninjas distracted themselves with a Netflix binge. I snuck down the hall, frequently looking back, stopping mid-stride to listen for any pitter pattering of bare feet that might detect my plan. I was in the clear.
In one fell swoop, I pulled it out of my closet, ran out the door (careful not to slam it!) and covertly held it to my side. I was sweating profusely (hey, it was 90+ degrees at 10 am!). I briefly felt like a coke dealer smuggling baggies through customs at the airport. What if they caught me while I trotted this torturous toy off to my trunk?! It was now or never; I didn’t dare look back. I sprinted to my car, and at last tasted sweet victory as I placed it in my trunk. I gave it one last look, remembering the joy of years past…then cackling a little inside as I prepared to pass it along to the next unsuspecting mother.
#byefelicia #ninjamamadiaries #ninjasplease #momlife #imomsohard #ninjanainteasy #ninjamode