Are They Still Breathing?
It’s 3:15 p.m. I have had nothing but silence to keep me company for TWO WHOLE HOURS. Baby Ninja finally fell asleep at 1:15 p.m. Ninja Boy put himself to sleep (my genius husband’s best idea yet!) around 1 p.m. And I have had nothing but time. Laundry is folded. Dinner underway. I even wrote for an entire hour without interruption! This is glorious. But then I worry. Are they still breathing? Did someone steal them? Did I leave them somewhere? Because this honestly never happens. You see, I’ve become accustomed (on a good day) to a brief 15-minute break between waking babies. This is the typical breakdown of said minutes:
- stealthily tiptoe out of their bedrooms, down the hallway, and to the kitchen without waking anyone: 1 minute
- scavenge through the fridge (quietly, please) for something edible: 2 minutes
- microwave my find: 2 minutes
- scarf down last night’s leftovers: 2 minutes
- chug some water (or whiskey, depending on how bad the day has been): 1 minute
- tiptoe (stealthily, remember?) out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and into the bathroom, where I briefly enjoy peeing by myself, wash and dry hands, don’t flush (that could wake up the ninjas), tiptoe BACK DOWN the hall, and into the living room where I sit down on the couch: 3 minutes
- check my email or get even crazier and peruse Facebook (what a sinful admission!): 4 minutes
AND SOMEONE IS AWAKE. Every time. Except today.
Thank You, Nap-Time Fairy!
I’m freaking out a little, I even feel a tad bit guilty. Was this supposed to happen? Did I unknowingly lace their lunch-time juice with dramamine? I think a thank you is in order, nap-time fairy. The butt-crack-baring-tween-leggings-running-debacle definitely jacked the morning up temporarily. You knew I needed a little Mama time. I’m marking this one down. Because it might be a leap year before it happens again. In the interim, I’ll be on the couch basking in some free time…as soon as I get back from checking to make sure a crazy person did not climb in through a window and steal them. And if they are still in their beds, then I’ll just do a quick little check to ensure they are still breathing. Wish me luck.